Full Time Student

Standard

Being a student is a full time job.

The requirements to perform this job include:

  • A desire to better yourself, while simultaneously hating yourself.
  • A need for the ability to carry up to 50+ pounds of stress with the added carriage of responsibilities.
  • A sophisticated method to wake up for 8am classes and appointments, and not going to bed until 2am the night before due to an excessive workload.
  • Occasionally perform offsite activities for compensation, otherwise known as a “job”
    • A “job” can include many criteria such a store clerk, a restaurant server, an assistant of some sort, etc.
    • Many jobs require 20+ hours of work a week, and for our position of student, these must be tightly fit into your already full time employment.
  • The ability to schedule small amounts of personal time to eat, sleep, and pray for your GPA.
  • Attend extracurricular activities and join extracurricular groups to build your resume and make yourself more desirable to future employers.
  • Attend social events to make networking connections and learn social skills.
  • A bank account with copious amounts of money is a necessity for employment, or the ability to fill out a loan application will suffice for this requirement.

 

If you believe you would like to apply for this position, please send resume, ACT or SAT score, your first born child, and bank account number to admissions@university.edu. We look forward to application and will get back to you shortly with your first tuition payment and at the amount of your books.

 

Thank you,

University.

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Clog

Standard

A blockage

It can end lives,

Friendships,

And relationships

It tears apart life

And love

The plumbing

Of the heart

Is stopped and the end is here

A future is halted 

By an accumulation

Of debris

Of stress

Of hate

How easy things can be tore apart

By this simple barricade

Never underestimate

A clog

For it can stop all in its tracks

From advancing

I’ll miss you

My friend

My loved one

My family

Wherever you go

I hope it’s enjoyable

Don’t look back

Because the past doesn’t deserve it

You deserve to be happy

But a clog ended it